A Change of Heart by Lynn Kerstan

Author:Lynn Kerstan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, pregnancy, humor, regency romance, novella, mothers, marriage of convenience, new marriage
Publisher: Lynn Kerstan

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In spite of the fire and the thick goosedown quilt, Elaine shivered as she curled in the center of her bed, still listening for her husband. The house was eerily silent, except for the blood pounding in her ears and the tiny whimpers which escaped her throat. Please, Philip, she begged again and again. I’m sorry. Forgive me. Don’t go.

It was hours before a nearly imperceptible voice tickled at her awareness. “I won’t leave you,” it seemed to say.

She coiled around the presence, certain that exhaustion and fear had produced this hallucination but unwilling to let it escape. The voice did not speak again, nor had it ever, she decided after a while. Still, instead of reaching out for what she’d always wanted, for the first time she turned inward. She remembered the things her husband had said before blindsiding her with the news he was going to London with Imogen.

The child. How was it she’d never accepted the existence of this tiny scrap of life growing inside her? It was part of her but separate, wholly dependent and yet a complete soul. In wonder, she felt the beginnings of peace. And with a jolt of pain, the realization that her babe’s only impression of its parents consisted of illness and quarrels. Only Philip had ever spoken of wanting it. Only Philip ever said words of love.

That must change. The child should hear gentle, soft voices of welcome. She crossed her hands over her belly and cleared her throat. “Hello, my darling,” she said aloud, feeling a bit silly. “My name is Elaine and I’m your mother.”

There was no response. Not that she expected any, of course.

“So far, I suspect you don’t much care for me,” she persevered, determined to be honest. “You were bounced around a great deal when I was sick, and you must worry that I wish to be rid of you along with my breakfast every morning. But truly, I do not.”

With a start, she realized it was true. She wanted the child far more than all the other things she once longed for, and longed for still. She’d resented the new life inside her because she’d not been allowed to choose for herself, but now, consciously and deliberately, she made her choice. There seemed no reason to say it aloud. She was certain the baby understood.

But there were other issues to address. “Nor do I wish to be rid of your father, sweeting, in spite of our quarrels. Those were of my own making, because Philip already loves you very much. He is much wiser than I, as you’ll find out when you are born. Try to be patient with me, because I expect you’ll hear a great many unpleasant things before I learn to be the mother you deserve. Know that I will try very hard from now on.”

She continued to speak words of reassurance and love for a long time, promising she would confront Philip before his departure and convince him she’d learned the lesson he wanted to teach her.

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